Surrender Control, Take a Vacation
Written by Roxanne VanGundy, July 13, 2020
My mama was a wonderful lady. She was a hard worker, who raised me alone most of her life. She worked at a back breaking factory job for 10 to 12 hours per day for most of my childhood. She taught me so many incredible things before she died, and I don’t think I’d be who I am today without her lessons. One thing though, as I look back, that I wish she’d never instilled in me was the need to always have control. My mother worked sometimes 6 days a week for almost 40 years, taking minimal vacations and doing nothing for herself, because for a vast majority of her life she had only herself to depend on. She raised a kid who was always hungry, needed clothed and needed to have a roof over its head. It was all on her to provide. She constantly worried if she took too much time off, she’d be viewed as lazy or insignificant and poof!, her job would be gone.
I don’t think she ever meant to make this be a lesson in my childhood, but I saw that for her the only thing she could control the most in her life was her ability to work. In her eyes, success meant being able to work and have stability. It didn’t mean taking days off. It meant working until she had nothing left to give.
Now, let’s be real, becoming a dispatcher did not help me in the control freak area, it only added to the narrative that was already put into my head. I became an even bigger version of my mother. I had to be in control of every aspect of everything that was job related. I think all dispatchers are that way to a degree. We wouldn’t be as good at our jobs if we didn’t on some level feel that the world would fall apart without our careful management of every problem that comes our way. That’s what dispatchers do; we control everything. That’s how our lives work. I felt that having that control in the center, helped keep my life balanced. It helped keep me “normal”. I still have to fight that inner control freak every day.
What does being a control freak have to do with taking time off? It’s the single biggest reason for me that I couldn’t wrap my mind around self-care and stepping away from work.
Nobody wants to be that person who takes off, causing our center to be shorthanded and causing others to have to work overtime or have extra duties. It’s the same reason that we don’t ever call in sick, regardless of if we are two steps away from needing to go to the emergency room. We don’t want to burden others or put anyone out. We would rather, sometimes unconsciously, work ourselves to the point of exhaustion, insanity or just plain giving zero f’s to prove that we are Super Dispatcher or Super Boss. It only proves that you have zero self-awareness or control of what should be the most important thing in your life – YOU.
I used to measure all my success based on the amount of time I was in the dispatch chair. It didn’t matter if I was effective, or helpful to my partners, or even a joy to be around; trust me I wasn’t.
It only mattered to me that I was there more than anyone else. They NEEDED ME. The center wouldn’t survive if I wasn’t there every second. Dedication meant having some control.
What did all that dedication get me? Burnout, high blood pressure and about 60 extra pounds.
News flash folks – The center will survive if you take a vacation, or you move on for good. Everything will keep plugging along as normal. It will move on just fine without you. Leaders, you have capable and determine staff members who are just WAITING to be able to help you. Let them.
Longevity in this profession comes from putting yourself first, if you don’t, you will not last. I say this from a place of deep respect for telecommunicators who are working in agencies with far less support than I have had. You will burn out. You will lose this career if you lose yourself. If you are truly passionate about what you are doing and you want to have a long career in the center, then recognize when you need to take time to step away. I’ve left twice in my 15 years because I couldn’t see that before it was too late.
Taking a vacation has a multitude of benefits from improved mental and physical health, greater well-being, increased mental power (who wouldn’t want that?!), improved familial relationships and trip planning alone helps boost happiness.
See the signs that you are starting to fade out. Are you feeling tired more than normal, crankier than your standard self, daydreaming a lot? Then perhaps it is time to step away and take some time for you. Let go of some of that control. There is no shame in that. Again – the center will go on without you. They might need some time away from you themselves.
Recently I took a few days off before a holiday and felt completely guilty doing so, but I went anyway. I came back realizing that maybe I might need a few more days. I told a few of my friends in the 911derWomen group that I was going to be selfish and take a few more days to myself. Which led to an interesting exchange that I’m still thinking about.
When did selfish become a bad word? Maybe selfish is something we should be more of. Givers and fixers tend to be selfless to often. Perhaps being selfless is what drives us to NEED self-care even more? Instead of just having control in our jobs, maybe we need to have more control in over our lives in general? Givers have to be takers sometimes too.
Just some food for thought.
In closing, I wanted to tell you how my mama turned out. She worked 40 years for the same company all throughout my life building farm machinery. Hard, hot, thankless work. She was diagnosed with breast cancer my senior year of college. My mama couldn’t work for a year because of her treatments, surgery and other complications. 40 years of spotless service and they couldn’t give her a year to overcome cancer. They fired her. Instead of sitting at home feeling sorry that she was an almost 60-year-old woman without work, she spent her final years doing ALL the things. She came to see me on her own in the middle of winter in Alaska, she became a leader in her Red Hat Club, she always was willing to “pour it out” over some margaritas at Applebee’s… and she found a love for life that she never ever let herself have before.
She only had 8 years of clean health to do all the things that she never gave herself the time to experience because she was too worried about her job. She told me once as she got sicker that she felt like she wasted a lot of her life working too hard.
Don’t be my mama. Enjoy your life NOW. Be with your kids NOW. Love your spouse and go on all those trips NOW. Don’t wait. You are worth taking the time for. You are worth giving yourself grace to unplug. Don’t give yourself the chance to regret anything.
Fill that cup ladies. Fill’er up.