Why Can’t We Just All Get Along?

Written by Edie De Vilbiss - September 15, 2020

I love the 911derwomen group!! 

Where else do you find a bunch of women who are so intentional on support and kindness?  It is a beautiful thing!! It is an ideal to live into.

Here we find encouragement, laughter, and camaraderie.

Sometimes these are the things lacking in our workplaces. 

I’m a curious person, I always ask, “But, why?”

I don’t think it’s because our co-workers are awful or incompetent or just sub-par people. I think it is deeper than that.

My work in Chaplaincy has led to deep study of Compassion Fatigue and PTSD.  I believe that these natural responses[1] to the trauma we receive while doing our jobs lead us to the symptoms of both of these phenomena.

One of the symptoms of Compassion Fatigue is blaming others for difficulties.  Others signs include anger and cynicism, a sense of persecution, an inability to listen, and an inflated sense of the importance of one’s own work. Get several people walking around with these symptoms to have a healthy work relationship! Impossible!!

We work in places that have multiple objectives which may conflict with each other.  Couple that with limited resources and other difficulties and we end up performing a difficult and multi-faceted job without proper support.  This generates a negative environment.

And, we play the blame-game and the shoulda-woulda-coulda game often.

Brandy Jo, in her Friday Live Day talk, laid out strategies for not giving into the negativity. 

We all have the power to create a more positive work environment.  If you need ideas, I encourage you to go back and re-listen to her.

She spoke about kindness. I’d like to share some thoughts about kindness.

We live in a world that seems to value “niceness” over “kindness”.

It’s “nice” to not tell someone that their error had negative consequences on our ability to do our work. 

We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.  Or we don’t value them enough to want to see them succeed.  Or, we cannot stand for one more person to be mad at us.

In many communications centers, people simply don’t tell the person who made the error.  They tell someone else. Then the whisper brigade gets started, and judgy judgersons become activated.  And soon, a mess of negativity and ill will is generated. A whole shift can turn on a coworker because of this.

The person may or may not have recognized their own error, and could either feel terribly guilty or be blind-sided. 

It happened to me.  Has it ever happened to you?  I found it truly awful!

How would our centers be different if we each made an internal decision that we do not fan this flame?  If we hear a “then she said, and then she did, and then . . . “, what happens if we ignore it and don’t ever tell anyone else?  What happens if we decide we will only speak about how a person handled their calls with the person themselves?  What happens if we decide that our own well-being is more important than keeping the rumor mill going?

The rumor factory withers away and dies when we no longer feed it.  You see, it is operated on the energy of judgement without facts.

The desire to keep rumors going is rooted in our humanity.  We draw conclusions about what we hear because we want to keep safe. We want to believe that the terrible thing that was done, the omission that was made, or the action that was taken are not something we would do.  It’s a way to feel less anxious about our own flaws. It is a phenomena rooted in our own pain.

The truth is that there is none of us who gets it right all of the time.  And none of us who gets it wrong all the time. 

The truth is that the negative environment in the comm center is our responsibility.  No supervisor, co-worker, commander or chief can make it better.  It, like everything else, is up to us. 

What if we brought the energy of the support and love we find in this group into the comm center with us?  What if we chose to be the one who leads the way to a healthier workplace?

What if?

[1] Please note: Compassion Fatigue and PTSD are natural human responses.  There is no shame in recognizing that our reactions to life are no longer in line with who we once were in this world.  If you are suffering please get help addressing the symptoms.  We need to each own our well-being in this life.  We deserve health and happiness, but we must pursue them for ourselves.  No one else can give them to us.

Thank you, Edie for sharing your valuable perspective! If you are interested in writing a blog, please email 911derWomen@gmail.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom!