Dare to Be Different
Written by Wendy L. Bundy, M.S.L.S., M.A., CPRS-T, CPMC-T, CWPS, published September 12, 2023
Over the last year, I’ve told my story at several conferences. My story of what it's like to live with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—complex PTSD to be exact. My diagnosis came many years after I left the 911 field, but it ties back to some of the trauma I endured while working there. Sometimes, I don’t lead with that part of my story, but for this audience, it seems appropriate because I know anyone who has ever spent any time under the headset understands what the day-to-day in this type of role is like. It builds up over time, and without outside hobbies or outlets, it can have negative consequences. I worked nights for many of those years; my husband was also in the field, and I didn’t have that balance. Work consumed me; I let it. I loved the adrenaline rush but didn’t like who I was becoming.
I got to a point where I needed to find myself, save myself, really, so I made the hard decision to leave the field. I went back to school full-time and bounced from job to job for several years before I finally sought professional help and started my mental health recovery journey. I still haven’t got it all figured out, though, because there will always be something else that comes to life. Life doesn’t stop for us to heal; we must heal through it.
I’ve continued to experience losses of family, friends, and pets. Our community lost a firefighter to natural medical causes just this week, and he was one I knew pretty well and had dispatched for back in the day. Things like that constantly remind me how precious life is and what’s really important. It’s not about working 60-plus hour weeks, always saying yes to everything, and spreading myself so thin that I don’t know what I’m doing each day until I look at my calendar. It's not about packing my resume with various committees, trainings, and awards to make it look good and compensate for lost time. Instead, it’s about the lazy days I spend on the couch with my dogs tucked in by my side, watching Jeopardy or the latest Netflix shows. It’s about cooking out with my husband and just sitting in our backyard watching our dogs run on our little patch of land, our piece of paradise in this world. I need more of the joy on their faces when they are running/playing.
When I step into these spaces to share my story, I do it to raise awareness for mental health in this field. A reminder to take care of yourselves first because I forgot how to. I’m doing better with it these days, and there are many things I use, many of which are evidence-based, like mindfulness, yoga, and peer support, to keep myself in that mindset. I often say that peer support (and my time spent in public libraries) taught me how to be human again. What I mean by that is it helped me feel and start making connections with people again because I was numb. I never removed the armor I needed to wear when I worked, and it took many tools to help me peel back those layers.
One of the conferences I did last year was the 2022 VA APCO/NENA/Interoperability Conference in Roanoke. Roanoke is one of my favorite places, mainly because of Black Dog Salvage, a working salvage yard with many cool finds. I always find the time to visit when I’m in that area. This conference was unique because it’s specifically for those in the dispatch profession, where my career started, where my husband still works, and where a piece of my heart will always be. It’s the group of people that I relate to the most and the ones I want to give back to and advocate for. It was an honor that they selected me to speak because I feel like I’ve been on the outside looking in since leaving the field to pursue other career options.
It also meant I was extremely nervous because this would be my first time speaking to my target audience. I’ve often shared and talked about my story in trainings and presentations. Before last year, I mainly shared my story in peer support settings, where the topic of mental health is more openly accepted and appreciated. While it’s getting better in some 911 centers and the field of public safety, it can still be a taboo subject, so I wasn’t sure how my message would come across.
I titled this one “Living with PTSD: A Former 911 Dispatcher’s Story,” so the audience would know exactly what they were getting. In the presentation summary for the agenda, I noted that my presentation was meant to bring awareness to the importance of mental health for those in public safety, especially 911 dispatchers. I focused on what helps me, providing lists of coping skills and methods I’ve tried over the years, highlighting those that have been the most successful for me. Some of those things include peer support (both as a participant and leader), pursuing higher education, family support, good mentors in the community, getting involved with NAMI and their programming, and journaling, to name a few.
This experience was cool because my first dispatch supervisor was in the audience. I’ve known her for years, ever since I was a kid. She’s been in the field since she was 18 and spent many of those years as a supervisor. She’s nearing retirement but is still a huge staple in her community and dispatch center. She saw the first talk I ever did on my mental health journey in a library I was working in at the time. However, I did that talk only about a year after my official diagnosis, and I still had a lot of anger/unresolved issues going on then. I’ve come a long way since then, and now I know so much more about what helps and how to help others, so the message of my presentations has shifted (thankfully) to focus more on that.
The last one I did was the virtual conference, Dare to be Great. Over 1,000 people registered, so it’s by far the largest group I’ve ever spoken to or had the possibility of reaching. Sometimes, sharing my story with strangers is easier, and virtually is even better. I woke up that morning, fixed my hair and make-up, and did this presentation from the comfort of my home and mostly still in my pajamas, but no one could tell that (shh...don’t tell them 😉).
This one was very similar to the one I did in October since it was geared toward the same audience. I wanted to make this one more interactive, so I added some poll questions and reviewed them about halfway through. What I found from both presentations for dispatchers, and the poll responses confirmed it, is that while a lot of work has been done to raise awareness of self-care and mental health in this environment, we still have a long way to go.
Forty-one percent of those who responded to the polls have a mental health diagnosis. However, only a little over 8 percent of those disclosed their diagnosis at work. The reason for that is likely that a whopping 76 percent still feel like there is a stigma against mental health in their centers! I was floored when I read that last poll. Here I am, someone who’s been sharing my story for the past few years to help break that stigma, and yet, there is still so much of it in existence.
That shows me there is still much work left to do in this area for awareness and education. I’m not going to give up; in fact, I’m going to work harder at getting out there and sharing even more because that’s my WHY. That’s the reason I do what I do. I’ve already pitched at several conferences for next year. I’ll continue to talk about this, sharing my experience and raising awareness anywhere anyone will have me. I'll bring a folding chair for those who don’t invite me. One way or another, my story will get out there and hopefully inspire others to share theirs because there is such power and connection in us coming together and sharing these experiences. More voices are more powerful than one.
My ask for you is twofold: join me and get these conversations started/keep them moving forward because they are so crucial to this profession. Secondly, don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way. Take that day off. Take that vacation. Take a staycation and hang out with your family/pets. Do nothing on your day off. I know it’s hard; I’m a helper and a doer too, but I’m also getting tired after doing so for so many years. Life is precious. Dare to be Great but also Dare to be Different. Put you first; You deserve it!
Thank you, Wendy for sharing your experience with us. If you are interested in writing a blog, please email amanda@911derwomen.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom.
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