The Weight of a Working Mom in the U.S.

Written by Erin Sechrist, published August 22, 2023

At the end of 2019, I found out I was going to become a first-time mother. This began the puzzling but normal anxiety of, "How do I figure out how to do it all and still be the best mother, wife, and employee I can be?" A few months into my pregnancy journey, we as a human race were thrown with a new curveball, Covid-19. This has added many obstacles, losses, heartaches, and personal growth, whether we were ready for it or not, and the effects are still lingering. 

My family somehow dodged the Covid bullet for almost three years, but the week of February 2, 2023, it finally found its way into our home. My almost two-and-a-half-year-old was the first to test positive in our house; it was her first time being sick. While isolating in our home, it gave me time to reflect on being a mom, motherhood, and, more importantly, in the US and wonder, "Where did this country go so wrong?"

My heart was shattered for the family in Massachusetts dealing with the loss of their children and wrapping their heads around the proper understanding of Postpartum Depression/Anxiety (Reference article: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/two-children-dead-infant-hospitalized-massachusetts-mothers-suicide-at-rcna67456). It made me reflect. Many emotions came rushing back to me, but this time my body wasn't trying to balance itself out from the major hormonal changes childbirth does. Unfortunately, what happened to this family last week is a very serious yet neglected issue in America that we as a nation and a workforce need to figure out how to DO BETTER. I am a survivor of Postpartum Anxiety. Something I would never have been able to get through without the amazing support system of my husband, my PCP, and my family. I look at where I am now, though, and that anxiety and depression are now controlled, but it's impossible as a working mother to rid myself of it. I'm glad Patrick Clancy, the husband, has publicly expressed his forgiveness to her. Our country needs more understanding and forgiveness of the weight placed on a mother's shoulders that is much heavier than anyone but a mother herself can understand. 

When I went on maternity leave, I had no choice but to use all vacation and sick time before FMLA would cover my leave of absence. I did not want to use all of my sick and vacation leave. Once I returned to work, I would have saved some vacation/sick leave for when I would undoubtedly need it. I was given twelve weeks to heal from 33 hours of intense labor, which ended in an emergency c-section. Having an invasive surgery, then sewn back up and expected to move around within twenty-four hours to begin caring for another human life. Twelve weeks to figure out this whole balance between being a mother bonding with your newborn, being a good wife, being a dependable employee, etc., when the female body, on average, takes SIX months to regulate itself back to normal hormone levels. Add breastfeeding to the mix, which can take longer to return to normal. 

I wanted to take more than twelve weeks off. I knew physically, emotionally, and hormonally that I NEEDED more than twelve weeks. Unfortunately, in Pennsylvania, since I was the policyholder for our health insurance, our family would lose this if I were off for more than twelve weeks. Amid a global pandemic, I had no choice but to jump right back into the workforce long before I was physically or emotionally ready.

With my sick and vacation leave balances to zero, I jumped back into the workforce full throttle. I work in an industry where twelve-hour shifts are common when your employer is open 24/7/365. The few extra scheduled days off a year are nice compared to the long and untraditional schedules of an eight-hour day rotation. The time it takes me to accrue an entire sick day off, is about eight weeks, and six weeks for a vacation day. So, the whole time I was off on maternity leave, I would have only accrued TWO vacation days for myself and about a day and a half sick. It doesn't seem like an equal balance. If I want to take a vacation with my family, I must work for about four months to enjoy a week off. 

We budget our finances, investments, etc., so it seems easy to budget our time off to accomplish this. Sure, on paper that looks easy, but anyone with a child knows that life happens. Since my child was born, I had to take almost three weeks off work in 2021 for medically necessary surgery. This brought my sick and vacation balance back down to zero, and I was off work with no pay again. Thankfully my husband has a great job, and I budgeted well so that we could financially handle this. 2022 started, and we said, "This will be a healthier year for us, and we will ensure we get our child on a family vacation together this year." Life said, "Nope!" We were dealt with another medical issue that required me to take a week off work and a surgical complication from a routine procedure for my husband, which left him on bed rest for three months. Life wasn't easy. I had to juggle being the only one working, being a good wife, mom, daughter, friend, and employee. I started praying that our daughter would have a better life ahead in 2023.

February 2023, and I'm struggling to find happiness for the year ahead for my family. I now have fifteen summers left to enjoy with my child before she takes on adulthood. I've spent so much time working to spend a small amount of time with family. I started 2023 out and had my vacation leave planned out for the year. We only wanted to give my daughter two tiny trips together for her to remember. One at Easter to see family 500 miles away and another at the end of the year to head down south to one of her favorite attractions. Covid hitting us unexpectedly that week completely derailed the entire plan for the rest of the year. The little bit of time I had finally been able to save has all been ripped away from me because of being hit by Covid-19. 

The two family vacations I had planned meant everything to us. I work so hard, and for what? I had plans with my family and my amazingly adorable toddler, and now it probably will not happen. It was heartbreaking. It brought me back to that weight I once felt that was so debilitating and full of anxiety I endured postpartum. Why is it that in this country, a woman has so much injustice to raise a family?

I know I'm not alone. I've had too many people ask my husband and me tactless questions, "When are you having another little one?" or "She's adorable; why wouldn't you want to give her a brother or sister?" How can I do this in America today? I would have to work nonstop and never see a healthy balance between work and family life. 

My husband and I make the best of what we can do. With our daughter being so young, she does not understand, but that won't last forever. She's growing up, and she's watching my every move. I want her to have a better life. I hope in 2043, when she is a young and empowered woman, she has more opportunities than I do now and never has anxiety and depression about how to be a great employee and mom at the same time. 

I work predominantly with men, so expressing how I feel at work and what I'm going through is inconceivable to many. They don't have the weight on their shoulders, the expectations, and the power struggle that being a working mom in our profession puts on us. If you are also a working mom in similar shoes, know you are not alone. We have to work together for working mothers' rights, for more postpartum anxiety and depression awareness, and for empowerment to find that balance. I know my family and I will get through these setbacks because we have one another, and we will find ways to adapt and overcome. I know that because of my community at 911der Women, Inc., I am never alone, and we will continue to work towards a healthier professional lifestyle for moms in my line of work. I will turn my trust and faith to God, for He always has a plan, and thank my family at LCBC Church for always reminding me there's a reason for every journey He sends my family and me down. 

"Strength and honor are her clothing; she is confident about the future." - PROVERBS 31:25

7/28/2023 Update: I hung up my dispatcher headset and retired yesterday after 15 years doing the job and took a position with LCBC Church that I mentioned at the end of my blog as the Central Next Steps Resource and Relationship Manager. I will still be helping others as I did as a dispatcher, just a different playing field now. This also means more time to be present as a mother and a wife - no more missed holidays and birthdays, no more weekends, and no more mandated 16-hour shifts. I finally found the perfect balance between work and family life, still maintaining my passion for helping others needing it. I start my new position on Monday, July 31, but I will continue to stay a part of 911nder Women to help empower and strengthen others to always put their health, mind, and family first. 

Thank you, Erin for sharing your experience with us. If you are interested in writing a blog, please email amanda@911derwomen.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom.

Thank you to Prepared for supporting Her Voice: The 911der Women Blog Spot.