Be the Hero/Heroine of Your Own Story
Written by Joyce Wheeler-Drouant, published January 5, 2021
This year has been a disaster for everyone in some way in varying degrees. It has also been the year of reflection, compassion, and opportunity for growth. Never before have we had access to the abundance of information and as inexpensively as we do now. Before, we have always had to beg or negotiate what the value of training is worth and justify it departmentally. This year we have been in the driver’s seat through the graciousness of some very generous educational leaders on their own dimes. In some of those cases, training is their means of income, so I cannot express my gratitude enough. I have thrown myself into ALL of the trainings I could get my hands on over the year, hundreds of hours in fact. I could probably at this point be the best training finder in the country, but I digress.
My year started out after 20 years in public safety, relatively “normal”. I was feeling a little burn out and saw a flyer for an organization called the First Responders Bridge. This retreat brought together first responders and their spouses or partners from all over the country (as long as you could get to Ohio) for 3 days of overview into mental health resources, speakers and their stories, signs and symptoms of all types of job related health risks. It addressed the physical, mental and emotional safety aspects in a broad sense. You weren’t asked to share if you did not feel comfortable just to take in the resources and know you were never alone. One night we had a comedian and just relaxed with each other. The accommodations were provided, as was the food. The only request is that you listen and take away what you could to those you care about and maybe become aware of what is going on within yourself. On the last day I was introduced to PCIS through Ohio Assist. There are these sessions all over the country just look up your state and PCIS for one near you.
Why am I telling you this? I was having a typical year, remember? The weekend before I went to the Bridge my foundation started cracking, the floor was falling beneath me. A call that should not have had the effects it did, threw me in a tailspin. It involved a young life lost and an ineffective response that was beyond all of my best efforts. That call caused bitterness, rage, frustration, uncontrollable sadness, guilt and resentment. I was lashing out around me in very passive aggressive way. I was throwing myself into all those training opportunities and myself into overtime in an effort to make it normal or to ensure that I was prepared for everything. That is where my hypervigilance started showing up in my daily life. I started avoiding people, COVID made that really easy so I didn’t have to be around people that just don’t get it. My memory started diminishing and I lost focus in so many things. For me, I became too aware of everyone’s feelings and it just left me feeling so depleted all of the time. I had no boundaries anymore for self-care. I refused to say no to things I was not ready to do, every time I did that I resented everything and everyone involved with the task even though it wasn’t their fault. Then that weekend arrived and the timing could not have been better. I found a support network, but it was not enough, and I left the retreat with The Ohio Assist information and immediately set myself up.
Last month after a few postponed dates I arrived in Columbus and attended that Seminar, again all arrangements for me and my spouse were handled by the organization. This time though we arrived to a much smaller, more intensive group. Facilitators were there to walk with us in our journey through the heartbreak that brought us there, the ways in which we could find relief, and what we can do in our future to become stronger. The process isn’t easy but you learn so much about yourself, that there is reason for hope and you are far from alone. They worked with some of us learning techniques for starting recovery via tapping or EMDR, and provided contacts to those offering services in our areas to stay with it. I cannot express this enough, if you or your spouse is suffering from the effects of your career, reach out. I am here if you have questions, if I don’t have the answers I can definitely find them or point you to a resource and a person that can.
I am doing remarkably better than I was, and have shared my story on the Within the Trenches Podcast this year and earned my coin. I appreciate all of the support I have received from everyone in this journey and hope to pass on my knowledge to anyone that needs it. I am in therapy now and trauma can be worked through when you find the form of treatment and the best qualified person to treat you. It can take some time figuring what and who may be best and is not a one size fits all approach, but the time is going to pass anyway so why not work on getting some relief? It does not have to be career ending. Often times our biggest talents come from our deepest pain but they don’t have to when you are aware of where you are internally, they could come from our greatest joys. I am still discovering what those might be after losing my individual identity to the public safety profession over the last 20 years. Every day is another day I learn more about who I am and what I want. We can all get to a brighter tomorrow when we take care of ourselves so that we can show up for others, I am honored to work beside you and I am rooting for your success.
Your Sister In Gold,
Joyce Wheeler-Drouant
Thank you, Joyce for sharing your valuable perspective! If you are interested in writing a blog, please email 911derWomen@gmail.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom!