It’s Time to Take Back Control of Your Mental Health by Becky Snook

Written by Becky Snook, published December 22, 2020

Trigger warning: This blog contains real stories of 911 calls that can be a trigger for those who have lived through trauma, specifically suicide. Please proceed with caution.

First off, I would like to say how incredibly accurate the “Imposter Syndrome” episode of We’re All MAD* Here episode was for me. I just finished watching Sara and Halcyon cover this topic in their show. This fits me to a T. Just WOW! I have never heard of this before but I have a feeling it is very real for many.

Secondly, I want to share with you all something that has been a big struggle for me my whole young teen and adult life. Depression and anxiety is a big struggle for me. This started when I was about 16 years old. I am going to take you WAY back to get my full point across of how I got to where I am today, so bear with me. This is honestly more for me probably than anyone else, but it could help someone and I hope it does. (Just get some tissues now.)

At the age of 16 I had decided to take my own life. Long story short, it was over a boy (yes, I know, so stupid). The ironic thing is that it was a dispatcher that saved me. I had tried to jump out in front of a moving vehicle on a highway. No, he didn’t hit me. Thankfully he swerved to miss me and came back to look for me. I eventually came back out of the ditch and started walking home crying like crazy. He came back around and found me, made me get in the truck with him and took me to the Sheriff’s Office. I have known him my whole life, as my dad was a Highway Patrolman and worked with him for years. I was admitted to a mental hospital in a town an hour away and got the help I needed. I went through many months of therapy and got back on track.

My whole adult life I have felt like I have never been good enough at basically anything I do. Relationships, being a good mom, any job I have had. I have been in and out of therapy many times and have even tried medications to help. As I have grown older, I have learned that only I can take responsibility for my own mental health and know when it’s time to evaluate and go get the help I need. I know I have saved lives, helped train some great dispatchers and even supported others in our industry as friends. I am an overthinker to a big fault.

Honestly, I feel that I am not the right person for my job anymore as a 911 Director. I have wanted to quit for many years but I don’t, for the sake of having money to take care of my family responsibilities. Yes, there are other jobs out there but living in rural Kansas, they are very few and far between for someone with no college education and pay well. So, I keep sticking it out waiting for my kids to grow up and go to college and reach my retirement age to find something new. Then I ask myself, why don’t you just improve yourself and your team so that you are happy, is this fair to your department? That’s a great question! I’m at the point of major burnout and mental health struggle and anxiety that I don’t know that I can anymore.

My point to this very long blog is that, you have to step up and reach out to what you feel can help you when your struggle. I know that it’s time for me to go back to my therapist and have her help my get my sh*t together. For you, it might be seeking out a great mentor, pastor, therapist, best friend, supervisor, or even your spouse to get the help of picking yourself back up. Stop hiding your struggle! I had a huge meltdown recently with my spouse. He had no idea I was struggling so much with so many things. I am so thankful that he is always someone that will listen and give me that hug I need. It’s hard living with someone that fights these mental battles and doesn’t share it until you are at that breaking point.

Stop living alone in your head and get the help you need. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders once I opened up to him and told him the things that I needed from him in our relationship. It’s now time for me to do that in other parts of my life.

Please feel free to reach out to me at any time and I will always be happy to listen and be your mental health buddy. You can email me or FB friend and message me any time. Let’s help each other!

“Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you, doesn’t mean you can, should, or need to do it alone.” Lisa Olivera

Thank you, Becky for sharing your valuable perspective! If you are interested in writing a blog, please email 911derWomen@gmail.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom!